Wednesday, April 18, 2012
goodbye;
i cant be friends, who am i kidding?
i have so many questions
so much pain
im so sad im so so so sad
i am so fucking sad
i haven felt such heartbreak in 2 years..
i forgot it felt so bad.
i thought i could never love again
if this is love i dont want it God.
i dont want any of this.
He wasnt supposed to appear in my life
and this time its not my fault.
i stopped adding people. i stopped letting people in.
i didnt invite him to hurt me like i did before with other people.
i WAITED,
i just dont know what to do
he talks to me different
he doesnt make me smile anymore
he's moved on
you promised not to leave.
but uve left.
you already left
its different
we're strangers now
fighting to pretend theres still something
everythings gone...
i dowanna be alone
im scared.
im scared
i miss you
so
much.
i just wna hear your voice again.
but itll make me cry.
and i donwnna cry
i don wan you to feel bad
i dont want to love you
i really dont
i wish i didnt.
i never took advantage of you though..
i never ever EVER.
i loved your calls
your music
your songs
your giggles
the way you disturbed me
the stupid things you'd say
the way you fell asleep on skype
your morning calls
i miss your smile.
i miss you
we talked everyday for 3 months.
how can i stop now?
i cant
i cant do this
im trying so hard
i rly cant do this anymore
we could have been together.
i was going to tell you that i wanted to..
i swear
you know id never lie to you..
:'(
goodbye;
Hi.. i dont really know how to start this..
i met someone on 14th january.. well i didnt exactly meet him.
he added me on facebook.
hes a guitarist..
and a really good one.
i love guitarists,
always wanted to be with someone who could play music and sing with me.
obviously i wasnt like, "hey lets get together"
i kinda gave up on love a long time ago..
but hey. we could be friends
and so we were..
i called him handsome and he called me pretty...
was just some funny thing between us.
we started texting and talking on the phone after awhile..
hes nice..
funny..
different,
but sweet.
i knew but i didnt realize that i was startin to grow on him.
not a day went by without texting or calling him
and i felt comfortable..
i could tell him anything
and he'd always listen without fail.
you know he was..
he was always there.
and then i realized.. i like him.
and i felt like he did too.
but i asked him not to.
i was scared.
i was afraid id hurt him.
i wasnt worth it.
but he didnt understand..
to be honest i dont either.
and as sweet as he always is, he asked me not to worry..
so i didnt.
hed send me sweet texts,
short recordings of music he'd do for me
and it has NEVER failed to make me smile.. it akways made my day..
always.
id repeat it before i went to sleep..
sometimes not.. cos i was already on the phone with him.
whatever it was, i had to hear his voice.
he just made me happy.
i never felt like this before
and yet, after all this, we still hadn't met.
crazy, i know.
and i guess we were both afraid meeting up may change things
but it didnt.. we fell deeper..
at least i know i did.
i couldnt stop thinking about him.
2 months.. i knew him for only 2 months..
but it felt like i knew him for years
scary isnt it.. you let your guard down and you realize the person you least expect.. has you falling for him
well..
few days back i was at a birthday chalet,
and the whole time i thought bout him..
but i couldnt call him much..
our phone bills were exceeding like crazy.
i finally called him though..
when i was otw home
i was drunk.
yea i know..
i forgot everything i said.
but what i said affected him.
he was obviously being cold to me..
i knew
but we were okay for awhile..
i waited for his call cos he said hed call me
i was really tired
but i really wanted to talk to him
i waa afraid i wouldnt get to hear his voice again.
i waited til 5:15am
i was falling asleep.
i was happy..
we talked normally..
until he asked me.
"what if i dont wanna be with you"
i kept quiet.. i was trying not to cry..
he thought i was sleeping.. so i said
"then go"
we kept quiet for awhile..
then he told me tht he met his ex gf,,
and that he realized that he still has feelings for her
i kept quiet again.
i replied the same thing..
and cos i kept keeping quiet, he thought i was tired..
i was just trying not to let him know that i was crying
so we hung up.
being me i confronted him..
i said i didnt wanna do this anymore
i was sad.
i was so sad.
and he was confused
he doesnt rly know how to talk to girls..
and i never blamed him..
hes a nice guy..
but the things he said last night.
it felt so bad
he said that i never listened to his problems..
i rly didnt..
cos he never told me.
he said he wont say if i wont ask.
but..
i never wanted to pry cos he told me he only told people he trusted
so i was waiting for him to trust me enough..
i really was,
then i thought, ohh.. so he did trust me. i just never asked.
but then he went and asked me how he could trust me if we never met
and all we did was skype text and call.
i dont know why i was so hurt but i was..
extremely.
i said.. thats why im ending it now..
and i thought he wouldnt be mean..
i never thought he would say it
but he asked me
what's there to end?
and it just felt like everything was all a big fat lie.
it meant nothing to him.
he just needed to see her one day to realize
he didnt feel anything for me
when he told me he did.
i asked him to leave me alone..
but he obviously doesnt know me at all.
cos he said.
"ok..."
--------------------------------------------
i was so afraid id hurt him..
its crazy but i loved him..
and i never expected that he was gna hurt me instead.
i trusted him.
&its only been a day. but i miss him like hell now.
the thing that kills me most.
is that he never bothered to fight.
he never denied when i accused him of lying to me
and he never posted anything about me anywhere.
&even though he knows ive been crying the whole day.
he never bothered.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
goodbye;
i try not to post but today i just feel like i should. i havent really been sad but now i am.
ive been trying to figure out what i need
i ask myself all the time what im looking for
sometimes. even i dont know.
i cant rly get to you, dear.
u wont let me in.
yet you let the people around u near enough to hurt you
why wont u realize im all you need?
you tell the world ure broken. but u wont let anyone fix u
you see the dangers waiting.. but u choose to walk deeper
you know of the lies and pain to come. but u ignore them
you dont know what to do. but i am here.
where was the girl who used to be so strong?
the one who used to tell everyone ïts nothing'
you said youd be fine.
and you were.
WERE.
so dear get up and stop lying around waiting for someone to come..
cos only when u stop waiting..
will he be there.
Monday, April 18, 2011
goodbye;
i think i should just die right now.
i feel horrible. so bad that i dont feel like going anywhere anymore.
just seeing you once makes me feel like that. and on the first day of school.
what more if i see you every now and then?
what more if you say hi?
and i pretend..
i reply.
SMILING.
would you believe me?
or would you just...
pretend to care when actually you dont give a damn at all?
like how you always do.
how you just want to get rid of that guilt you know you carry so well.
and i know. i'm supposed to give up.
i'm stupid. i know i am.
but i cant help it.
noone can. or can we?
but i dont want to. i really dont.
i dont wanna get hurt by someone who'll come around too good to be true again.
i dont wanna give in anymore
im scared im so scared i wish you knew.
i wish you knew how much i miss you.
especially now.
right now..
remember there was smth i said i had for you?
what ive wanted to give u on 1st october is still under my bed.
collecting dust? no.
i still read it once in awhile..
i never forget bout it.
i never forget you.
and no matter how i try i still cant.
i wish i were strong enough to make you hurt.
but i just cant..
i never will.
cos up till now i still love you.
and i know if i love you i have to let it go..
but at the same time, please know dear..
i'm really trying..
